Forgiveness is Manlier than Revenge

Do you remember the movie?  We watched it a few weeks ago.  It's the one where the cowboy was caught by a hanging posse.  He tries to tell them he is innocent, but they hang him without a trial.  Then the marshal comes along to cut him down, and he lives.  The cowboy spends the rest of the movie killing the men who unjustly tried to kill him.  Yes, I liked that one too.  It makes you want to put a badge on your shirt, and fight for law and order. Or maybe it makes you want to be the kind of man that nobody pushes around.  

The problem is that real life doesn't work that way.  Obviously, most people will never be unjustly hanged.  Don't get me wrong.  There are plenty of injustices in this world, and I'm sure you will experience some.  But yours will probably not be that glamorous or black-and-white.  When they do come along, what will your response be?  The answer to that question, my son, is something that separates the real men from the little boys.

You see, revenge is easy.  When I was a kid, we used to call it payback.  It's perfectly natural to want someone else to experience the pain or abuse that we feel.  When someone says something that hurts your feelings, you wish you could say something right back that would hurt them.  We need to protect our turf.  We need to show them that this kind of treatment will not be tolerated.  No one really has to learn this.  We just seem to have it in us when we are born.  It's the easy way out, and not at all manly.

So what should you do when some injustice is inflicted upon you by a dastardly fiend?  You should forgive them (and probably not call them a dastardly fiend).  Now, I know that may sound simple.  Believe me, it is not.  Learning to forgive is a life-long process.  Personally, I'm not very good at it.  Maybe, that's because I feel like I haven't really experienced much that needs forgiving.  I certainly feel like I should be asking for forgiveness more than I should be handing it out.  (Ask your mother about that, she's a world-class forgiver.)  But let me give you a few pointers on what little I have learned.

1.     Forgiving takes practice.  The more you do it, the better you get.  The less you do it, the harder it is.

2.     Forgiving doesn’t depend on feelings.  After you’ve forgiven someone, you will still feel hurt.  In forgiving, you simply give up any claim you think you may have on making them feel a certain way.  When you say, “I forgive,” you are doing something, even if it is only inside yourself.  It doesn’t matter how you feel.

3.     Forgiving doesn’t make you weak.  Just the opposite!  Forgiving makes you stronger.  It gives you discipline.  Children act only on their feelings.  Real men can control their anger, and act on what is right and good.

4.     Forgiving doesn’t make you a pushover.  If someone steals from you, they can most certainly be forgiven.  But don’t ask them to hold your wallet for you.

There is much more that I want to share about forgiveness, especially regarding needing it yourself.  But that will wait for another letter.

With love,

Dad

P.S. Let's watch another Western soon.  I like 'em.


Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13 (NIV)

Working with All Your Heart

There are certainly a lot of ways to say it: work hard, do your best, grind it out, no pain-no gain, leave it all on field.  Hard work will get you noticed for sure.  It will probably get you money.  It might impress important people, or win you power and prestige.  Becoming and being a hard worker is something that our culture values.   At times in my life, I've been a very hard worker.  At other times, I've been downright slothful (that means lazy).


I'm going to tell you something that may be a surprise.  I don't really care if you become a hard worker.  Yes, you may need to read it again.  It doesn't matter to me whether or not you work hard, as long as you work with heart.  I would rather you be a heart worker.  What's the difference?  I'm not really sure that I can explain it.  But I know there is a big difference.  A man can be a hard worker, and not put his whole heart into his work.  "Put your back into it," or "Put some elbow-grease on it," they will say.  I say put you heart into it.  When you are a heart worker, working hard comes naturally.


I'm sure it has something to do with motivation.  It also has something to do with a purpose, a divine calling, a God-given passion.  Whatever you want to call it, you need to have a sense that you were made to do what you are doing.  That doesn't mean that you have to become a medical doctor and heal all the diseases in Africa (I'm mean only if you want to).  I man can do most anything and be a heart worker.  Welder, woodcutter, weatherman or waiter, it doesn't really matter.  Just do it with all your heart.


Hard work can lead to resentment.  Heart work leads to joy.
Hard work can lead to entitlement.  Heart work leads to generosity.
Hard work can lead to conflict.  Heart work leads to peace.
Hard work can lead to exhaustion.  Heart work leads to contentment.
Hard work can lead to regret.  Heart work leads to gratitude.


Find something that you were created to do, my son, and work at it with all your heart.  Then you will come to the end with a life's work well done, and not a life filled with hard labor.

Love,
Dad


Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.  Colossians 3:23-24 (NIV)