Forgiveness is Manlier than Revenge

Do you remember the movie?  We watched it a few weeks ago.  It's the one where the cowboy was caught by a hanging posse.  He tries to tell them he is innocent, but they hang him without a trial.  Then the marshal comes along to cut him down, and he lives.  The cowboy spends the rest of the movie killing the men who unjustly tried to kill him.  Yes, I liked that one too.  It makes you want to put a badge on your shirt, and fight for law and order. Or maybe it makes you want to be the kind of man that nobody pushes around.  

The problem is that real life doesn't work that way.  Obviously, most people will never be unjustly hanged.  Don't get me wrong.  There are plenty of injustices in this world, and I'm sure you will experience some.  But yours will probably not be that glamorous or black-and-white.  When they do come along, what will your response be?  The answer to that question, my son, is something that separates the real men from the little boys.

You see, revenge is easy.  When I was a kid, we used to call it payback.  It's perfectly natural to want someone else to experience the pain or abuse that we feel.  When someone says something that hurts your feelings, you wish you could say something right back that would hurt them.  We need to protect our turf.  We need to show them that this kind of treatment will not be tolerated.  No one really has to learn this.  We just seem to have it in us when we are born.  It's the easy way out, and not at all manly.

So what should you do when some injustice is inflicted upon you by a dastardly fiend?  You should forgive them (and probably not call them a dastardly fiend).  Now, I know that may sound simple.  Believe me, it is not.  Learning to forgive is a life-long process.  Personally, I'm not very good at it.  Maybe, that's because I feel like I haven't really experienced much that needs forgiving.  I certainly feel like I should be asking for forgiveness more than I should be handing it out.  (Ask your mother about that, she's a world-class forgiver.)  But let me give you a few pointers on what little I have learned.

1.     Forgiving takes practice.  The more you do it, the better you get.  The less you do it, the harder it is.

2.     Forgiving doesn’t depend on feelings.  After you’ve forgiven someone, you will still feel hurt.  In forgiving, you simply give up any claim you think you may have on making them feel a certain way.  When you say, “I forgive,” you are doing something, even if it is only inside yourself.  It doesn’t matter how you feel.

3.     Forgiving doesn’t make you weak.  Just the opposite!  Forgiving makes you stronger.  It gives you discipline.  Children act only on their feelings.  Real men can control their anger, and act on what is right and good.

4.     Forgiving doesn’t make you a pushover.  If someone steals from you, they can most certainly be forgiven.  But don’t ask them to hold your wallet for you.

There is much more that I want to share about forgiveness, especially regarding needing it yourself.  But that will wait for another letter.

With love,

Dad

P.S. Let's watch another Western soon.  I like 'em.


Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13 (NIV)